Little Blonde Reading Freak
by Ionia Metallium-Greywers
Summary: A Yami no Matsuei parody of Little Red Riding Hood. I don't know if it's any good, but please read it! (However, recently, I've been told it's good. ^^;;)


Title: Little Blonde Reading Freak  
  
Author: Ionia Metallium-Greywers  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Summary: A Yami no Matsuei parody of Little Red Riding Hood. I don't know if it's any good, but please read it!  
  
Author's Note: OK, this is the storyline of a children's book I have to make for my Creative Writing class. Yeah...all I have done for it is the storyboard. It's either this, a story about Jii Nieni's Bunny Doll (Saiyuki) or a story where Omi (Weiß Kreuz) gets sucked into his computer. I might go with this one, just because it's so interesting. And before I forget, this is only my second YnM fic. Please go easy on me, I don't know much about the series except for the general personality of the characters. ^^;;  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Yami no Matsuei. But I am the keeper of Tsuzuki's Hot Fudge Sundae, if it's any consolation. ^^;;  
  
Warning: Um...there might be some character OOCness...but if there is, I didn't mean for there to be! I'm still new to YnM! (Just thought I'd let you know. ^^;;)  
  
-----  
  
Little Blonde Reading Freak  
  
-----  
  
Once upon a time, there was a boy called Kurosaki Hisoka. Hisoka was your average Japanese boy...except the fact that he was dead. Anyway, Hisoka liked to read. In fact, he liked to read so much that the walls of his room were made of bookshelves nailed together with the utmost of care.  
  
Now, Hisoka lived in the middle of a forest with his "Mother", Hakushaku. What a forest is doing in the middle of Tokyo is beyond me, but it's relevant to the storyline, so be quiet.  
  
One day, Hakushaku gave Hisoka a piece of paper. "Take this to Yutaka Watari. This is important information on a chemical I need him to make, so don't lose it."  
  
Hisoka grumbled, put his book down, and took the paper. "Sure, 'Mother'."  
  
So off Hisoka went, his precious book under one arm, the piece of paper folded neatly inside it. Hisoka didn't skip down the trail through the woods, nor did he run. He walked, because dignified boys don't run unless they're being chased by old perverts.  
  
From behind a tree, a man that appeared to be half-dog watched Hisoka intently. This man was Asato Tsuzuki, the infamous Kawaii Inu-man of the forest. Tsuzuki licked his lips. "Such a pretty little boy. He looks so delicious! I think I'll play with him!"  
  
Tsuzuki came out from behind the tree. He eyed Hisoka up and down. "Hey there, kid. Where ya goin'?"  
  
Hisoka looked up at Tsuzuki. "Why do you want to know?" He fixed the genki man with a glare that would have put the polar ice caps to shame.  
  
Tsuzuki sweatdropped and stepped back. "Err...no reason... You just shouldn't be out walking alone in the woods like this."  
  
"What could happen to me?" Hisoka retorted. "I'm dead."  
  
"Oh, you too?! Err...I mean...well..." Tsuzuki fidgeted. "I'll be your bodyguard anyway. And I'll do it for free! How's that sound?"  
  
"It sounds like an old pervert trying to get in my pants."  
  
Tsuzuki blanched. "N-n-no, no, it's not that at all!!!" He held up his hands defensively. "I'm just trying to be a nice guy, that's all!"  
  
Hisoka looked Tsuzuki in the eyes. He glared, trying to see if this weird man was telling the truth. Tsuzuki fidgeted even more.  
  
"...No. You're not telling the truth. You're just a perverted old man trying to get me in bed with you!"  
  
Tsuzuki facefaulted. "S-s-sore wa hontou ja nai!!!"  
  
Hisoka glared. "Don't lie to me! You know you just want to make me your little fuck toy!" And he turned around and marched off.  
  
Tsuzuki stood for a moment, gaping, before he shut his jaw and stood up straight. "Well, I'll just follow him through the trees for a while, just so I can figure out where he's going..." And Tsu-kun hopped into a tree and stealthily followed Hisoka.  
  
Meanwhile, Dr. Watari was conducting experiments inside his little cottage. His little owl, 003, sat napping on his shoulder. (How 003 could SLEEP with Watari around is beyond me. Unless 003 can sleep through explosions…)  
  
"Argh!" Watari slammed his fist down on the table, but not hard enough to shake and/or break any beakers. "Why hasn't Hakushaku sent me that info yet? I need that info! It might contain something I could use for my potion!!!"  
  
003 opened one sleepy eye. "Kooooo…"  
  
Watari scratched the back of 003's neck. "I'm so irritable today…maybe I'm suffering from a calcium deficiency…"  
  
Hisoka walked along the dirt path between the trees. "This really sucks. Why couldn't Watari come pick it up himself?"  
  
Tsuzuki's ears pricked. "Watari…? So he's going to Watari's place, huh?" A devilish grin crept across his face. "Well, I guess it's time to pay Watari a little visit…" Tsu-kun hopped into a tree on the other side of the path and headed towards Watari's cottage.  
  
An explosion rang across the forest. Watari's cottage roof suddenly plopped back onto the house frame. Inside, Watari coughed and hacked as the black cloud of smoke slowly filtered out the windows.  
  
"I should've…*wheeze*…used…*cough*…the base component…*hack*…as the third component…*choke*…"  
  
"Kooooo…" 003 lit itself on the windowsill. It stuck its head through a little part of the window where there was no glass so it could breathe. (Aww, poor 003…)  
  
The door creaked open slowly, allowing more of the black smoke to billow out. Whoever had opened the door began to cough and hack like Watari.  
  
"Who's…*strangled noise*…there?"  
  
When the black smoke was almost no more, a form came into the room, suppressing a cough. "Watari…I am here to take your place."  
  
The smoke cleared completely, and Watari got a look at his visitor: Tsuzuki. "…Uaaah! Sugoi! You would make such a great test subject! 001 and 002 ran out on me, so all I have is 003!" But, getting a frightened squeal from 003, he twitched. "Not like I would EVER use 003 for a test subject…"  
  
Tsuzuki twitched. "I said I'm here to take your place! Now, gimme your coat and get in the closet!"  
  
Moments later…  
  
"There!" Tsuzuki stood, wearing Watari's lab coat. "I look just like Watari now!"  
  
"Mmph! Mmmmmmmmmphh!" Watari argued through his gag. (Translation: "No you don't! You have dog ears and a tail, you freak!")  
  
"…" Tsuzuki took Watari by the back of the collar. "Be quiet." And he threw Watari in the closet.  
  
Hisoka approached the cottage. "…Something doesn't feel right here…" He looked down at the book, and the important information it held within. "…I'll go in anyway."  
  
This was when Hisoka noticed that the door was open and swinging back and forth in the slight breeze. Curiously, he poked his head inside and looked around. "…Hello? Are you here, Dr. Yutaka?"  
  
"What? Oh, yes, I'm here!" A man in a white lab coat rushed towards the door. "What can I do for you?"  
  
Hisoka blinked. "Hey…didn't you have long blonde hair, Dr. Yutaka?"  
  
The man smiled nervously. "No, I cut it and dyed it black."  
  
"Didn't you wear glasses?"  
  
"I got contacts."  
  
"…" Hisoka looked warily at the man's dog ears. "Did one of your experiments backfire and turn you a half-dog man that I think I've seen before?"  
  
"Err…" The man shifted nervously. "No…?"  
  
A confused expression crossed Hisoka's face. He turned around, his hand rubbing the back of his head. "Well…I suppose it's just my imagination…"  
  
But Hisoka didn't know that right behind him, the man in the lab coat was approaching stealthily, ready to pounce.  
  
Moments later…  
  
"YAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!"  
  
An accountant named Tatsumi just so happened to be close to the cottage, hunting. (We all know he likes to hunt in his spare time. "Shh…be vewwy vewwy quiet…I'm hunting Tsuzukis…") He heard the loud yell, and ran towards the cottage with his Axe-Shaped Paperweight of Doom.Ô  
  
Tatsumi crashed through the currently closed door, knocking it almost completely off its hinges. "What? What's going on in here?!"  
  
The sight that befell Tatsumi was one that he wouldn't soon forget, one that burned itself into the backs of his eyelids.  
  
"You sunk my battleship!!!" Tsuzuki cried.  
  
Hisoka fixed Tsuzuki with a glare. "So? I feel it fitting punishment for stalking me, you pervert."  
  
Tatsumi blinked. They were playing battleship…? No one was beating up someone else or getting eaten by a wolf? "What's wrong with this story?!?!"  
  
The closet door suddenly flew open, and Watari tumbled out, his gag pushed down. He began gasping for air, but stopped when he saw what Tsuzuki and Hisoka were doing. "Hey, Battleship! Can I play too? Huh? Huh? Huh?"  
  
Tatsumi placed his hand on his head and sighed. "This is why I HATE hunting in strange forests that suddenly pop up in the middle of Tokyo…" He turned around and left.  
  
"I wasn't stalking you, I was being your bodyguard, as I promised!"  
  
"I didn't agree to having you for a bodyguard. And besides, bodyguards don't tree-hop."  
  
"Can I at least play the winner? Please? …Guys?"  
  
--Owari-- 


End file.
